I will not be held hostage any more.
I will not be held to protecting you from threats of self harm
I will not be held a responsible to your family
I am done
Pull a knife, I don't feel safe
A threat on your self, but how soon will it turn on me.
I am done sell the house I don't care I am out. I can live in my truck
I am safer there.
I will not be held hostage any more.
How does one yell uncle when. You run for a knife.
How does one claim innocent when you confront the devil
Run.... I know leave everything.....
It is time to fly....
Is the knife for you? Is the knife for me?
I don't know.
But I know I can't be held anymore.
I run and hide. In my safe spot.
Try and get me bitch..she is stronger then you.
I wish I didn't need protection. Why am I so weak.
Sigh. Thx my Wizzard of Ami's
Sept 23rd what a time of year fall is coming.... The promise of Samhain just around the corner.
Fall fires, hot apple ciders, apple cake doughnuts, I am optimistic for the first time in such a long time. It is like waking from a nightmare and finally shaking the feelings that the nightmare holds over you for hours later.
I am making 3 plans. I belive in back up plans for my back up plans.
I am still cleaning and purging because I still own way more things then I need. I don't plan to runaway in the night or feel the urge to do so.
I don't need a bugging out bag in my car, I do need an overnight bag so I can be any where life takes me. Maybe a tent too. I think I am planning to camp up state for the weekend before Samhain.
My spirit has been set free. Even if all my weekends are booked. 😆
Driven to distraction
Someone on my brain
Forced to make things
To keep all thoughts away
Finally the fog clears
And I can meditate
No longer held hostage
By thoughts of him
Self-control of feelings
Abilities of controle my thoughts
Feeling are still there
But I can turn them off
What magic had you cast my friend
To make me lose control
You needed have bothered beloved
For I loved you all along.
Easier to seek forgiveness them permission has been used against me for 2 long.
My children are better behaved then him.
He used my children against me
to my parental credit I always gave to my children.
You try and trap me by making it so our debt doesn't go away.
You remember little so you say but you remember when I said 20 years ago that I want to be free of debt if I leave you.
You think of that now that you are watching me pay off all the debt that you can't stop that.
You used that money calculating that I would cave and make up the missing money to get our son a computer.
He is worth it for sure. But no. You were the one with the idea to get it. You said you would put your windfall of money toward it if I could match it with gift savings money. Well I stand by that
I will.match your funds. That is 0$'s
Nope not my fault you did this not me. I have things to pay off.
It is just the first time I have stood up to you really. It is not the last
There are no arguments on the subject.
My silentance speaks volumes.
Lies, gas lighting and false apologies
Pretend guilt, manipulation and out right dilutions
These are a few of your favorit things.
"But your the strong one" "but I miss you and depressed when your gone"
Then I will act like it is someone else laying on guilt and attacks about you traveling
while being the one saying how bad I make you feel for not saving any money at all.
Words that play on my empathy,
If thay doesn't work there are compliments of your looks
and to make everything so bad.....
False words of generosity to the children, purposefully planing to sabotage the debt pay off schedule.
You do everything you can to control me and keep me here. To make everything so bad.
"But your the strong one" "but I miss you and depressed when your gone"
I simply remember how our whole life was your lies and then as I leave I don't feel so bad.
Dancing with the firefly
Running though the trees
Holding on to moon beam
Why won't it let me be
Hearing the grass call to me
The stars all singing harmony to the water song of soul
How is the ethical realm so real to me when others don't know its tome.
Come run away to play amung the faye this eve
We will dance and sing and be as one just for one night I miss you
The songs can carry our hearts away just long enough to heal and sway
We will slip away but never stay, refresh us for the days
Yes Monday will come and it is back to work that's fine for day to day
But weekends force shall not be denied,
The eternal realm force shall not be quelled by week day demands of 9 to 5
I see you Peek out of your cave from where your work wants own you.
I see your soul and hear your call please help me, help you, fine me once more
You're so refined and above my station yet that matters not out here
Our souls do know, each others hearts and I've missed your soul so long now
Must dream the dance and laugh and play I call you though the night and into the day.
Though we pretend we're strangers in this land. the ethral realm does know us.
I can pretend from day to day the me of earth and land and sand
But come this Friday off I go to ethral worlds come find me.
Friend or more I am not sure, I take what is given, I won't fight for more
The etheral world will have to do, for all these life times, I have known you
I' ve missed you my beloved in heart and play
But friend or more I am ok please come back to the ethral realm with me because I sure do miss you.
