Conditions of love

 I always said 2 things

I trust everyone.... to always be who they are.

And that I can love people unconditionally but also not live with them unconditionally

Love doesn't just appear and disappear because of horrid behavior 

Also loving someone doesn't prclude you from moving on. love can change.

I unfortunately allowed all my rules to be over ran... because I always gave my self solace that he was a good father so even if he was a bad husband at least the children had their father.

I suppose that was my truly only unconditional  stop point. I would do anything for the kids. Including live is a hellish marriage that was mentally bad for me. But if not a good father then all bets are off. 

A friend tells me to have 3 or less requirements is healthy. 

They also tell me I did good to run away when I physical safety was a genuine issue. 

I never really found my self worth I suppose. I know the things I am good at. But I don't think I am all that ambitious. 

I am happy making home and working for money to enjoy life. I have no idea why I am that simple. I just want to be safe and loved and feel understood. Seems like all this should be a no-brainer. 

A friend to share that same geek outs with. 

I miss laying in bed before being interment chatting about stuff. Life the universe and everything. 

 I use to fall asleep mid sentence when I was first married and pick up when I woke right where I left off. My SO thought it was funny he never could remember where the conversation was that made me feel a disconnect. We never sorted that out either. 

I don't know if I have hopes of conditions any more. I just want to feel so safe that I don't need a list.