Things I don' discuss.
Some people suffer from sensory perception over load. This is not my problem.
I turned it all off for so long. I didnt want to feel, till Pennsic. While at Pennsic I really had some great healing I would say 2 people really helped me more then any other and with it my sensory perception came back on fully and I seem to have forgot how to shield incoming.
I have almost sensory perception over drive. I lean in to the goodness of sensory experience. Which is why I should be shielding. It is weird. it is why I scratch people's backs as a hello because I know how good that can feel when done gently. Just finger tips and smooth curved nail tips. And so I try to greet people in this pleasant way too. It is an endearment if you will. It also is an indication I will except a hug when I greet a person that way.
I love the sun or a light breeze on bare skin. Warm water pouring out from a shower over head, back and chest. The texture of different sand types from the different beaches. The sound of sand under foot on the damp part of the beach the feel of the sounds of water from a lake river stream or ocean.
The feelings of almost hugging a warm cup in the morning the cup that fits your hands perfectly.
Sensual massage. Giving a scalp massage. Rubing the short crew cut area of a person's scalp. A light touch of fingers gliding over skin.
Caressing velvet or velveteen. A cool sheet on a bear my body.
The warm sun one my face. A kiss on the nap of my neck. A loving hug embrace from a love from behind to lean into and snuggle in a public PG kind of way.
As such I not a casual sex person.
I don't know how other people FEEL. As in experiance both physical and emotional feelings. I know that I experience a feelings in my chest of intense expanding energy from my emotions. I had it all locked safely up set to live the rest of my life out in a prison of my own making for my protection. Even after coming out about being single. Yet here I am with all this going on. I see people and I get over whelmed by what their body language says to me. It is like reverse autism. The Dearst Misteress Una put me in charge at Kingdom A&S of making sure the entrants were ok because she saw this and understood its strength. Which made me feel valued for a thing I feel almost cripples me.
I am the monogamous type also. I discover this when in 1995 I announced my coming marriage after 10 month of knowing James. A previous partner proposed upon hearing this but said he wanted and open arrangement and already knew the answer was no but said he would rather a no then not to have asked. It was tempting he was attentive but I am am selfish and like to possess and be be possessed belonging to someone who holds you dear in a way no other does or can. I have the propensity in me not to be jealous per say, and yet.... just a tinge. Not destructively so. It is a special feeling to feel someone is checking you out when they are your lover it brings an energy with it. It has a sensation, a physical feeling. You know you can see a coi expression on your imzadies face when they feel you looking. And the cross between pride and jealousy when someone checks out you lover. The "yeah that is mine so you better move along" while knowing with certainty you have nothing to worry about because you can fully trust you partner.
I want the laying with my One while holding their hand playing with their hand the mindless touching. the feel while just chatting about the universe or the days events. Your know Their voice feels right. The vibrations of their voice makes your soul happy.
I don't know if I will ever get any of that again. Being not all alone in the universe. I alteast I have to sun and the breeze and the feeling cool sheets one my body. I think I will camp in the woods for the weekend before Samhain. I love the smell and sound of autumn in the woods.
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