Wispers in the ether

 Ever morning I wake up at 4/6 am since pennsic.

Most mornings I can go back to sleep. It feels like there is someone waking me. It is not startling which in its self is strange. 

When Amber-Tori was a baby I would feel her wake up. She would reach out to check if I was there and when she knew I was she would just hang out in her crib and play. 

I am not use to this being woken at this time. Only Amber-Tori has ever done this to me till now. And it is not Amber-Tori. 

And this morning this person didnt let me go back to sleep. This morning it is me in California so it is 4 am. I would like the person to be more in my life and not just a whisper on the wind. I have missed them too. 

I don't get to call the shots this time. I both like that and hate that. 

My brain works differently then others. I make quick decisions. I have weighted options in my head before most people finish a sneeze. My 1st husband was never comfortable with that. I have been asked how I do that, example was buying a house. First house we looked at I shut down the idea of buying immediate. It was 5000 more then we said we would spend the lay out was bad for raising 2 kids in it and poor storage. It just was a nope... the next house I walked in and said yup this is it, it was better in all those areas. I don't know how on the big choices folks don't know what is critical. It is deciding what to eat or where to eat that get me hahaha. 

My soul make decisions sometimes. When I listen it goes better. Their soul know too but moves slower and very deliberate. Feeling all the things along the way. Theirs is better at closures then mine is. They have less baggage, more possessing.  Not sure that my whisperer will ever be more then a best friend, but come what may that is ok, I have missed them, and will be ok with that because, they call the shots. 

And they make my soul feel whole again.